– Made train sounds as we walked down the stairs for the morning. And I had to be enthusiastic about it so we didn’t have to start over.
– Coached him through a bowel movement. This is even more awkward than it sounds. My kid insists that I sit on a stool in front of him, make and NOT break eye contact as I sing the words “poopy on the potty” softly to the tune of “Ring Around the Rosie”. If eye contact is broken or the song is interrupted, he won’t poop and it might be days before he’ll trust me again.
– Sucked boogers out of his nose with my mouth while making train sounds. Nose Frida makes me want to vomit, and I hate that I’m the back up nose sucker when my husband isn’t home. I gag every time, there is no getting used to something like this.
– Showered while standing on 1 foot so he could join me by sitting and playing “boats”. My second foot was being used as a bridge that went up and down when the boat came by making, of all things, train sounds.
– Changed his shirt 3 times. Because somehow little boys will find a way to cover every square inch of their sleeves in dirt, drool and/or snot.
– Pretended to be a dump truck, walrus, rock, alligator, doggie, train and kitty cat all within a 40 second time frame. When a toddler says “play with me” he really means “Get down on the floor and let me boss you around”.
– Listened to the words “BAD MOMMY” on repeat for 15 minutes because I’m not well versed in the toddler culinary language. Finally figured out that a “submarine sandwich” was toast with peanut butter on it. Because…obviously.
– Prayed for a nap. I’m not talking about a quick little “Oh please let him take a nap”. I full out beg God for my son to sleep at least 1 hour everyday. We all do it.
– Listened to fake coughing for 20 minutes before nap time so I’d turn his “fire” (humidifier) on.
– Waited patiently for an hour while my son jumped from his bed to the floor before giving up on nap.
– FaceTimed every Grandma available because nap didn’t happen and I could sense a break down that only a Grandma can deflect.
– Helped shove 100 tissues back into a Kleenex box that was emptied. I think they were clean but I can’t be certain and it is the last box in the house so every tissue must be carefully preserved. Train sounds were also produced.
– Watched an hour of the train part of Bob the Builder Trains and Tree Houses. When the train part was over, I had to restart the show exactly when the opening credits were finished but before the train part began. If it started too soon or too late, I was a “BAD MOMMY”.
– Kissed 4 boo boos including 2 stubbed toes, a “broken head” and a finger that got slammed in the cabinet door by sissy. Sissy was at school during all these events.
– Pulled him by his feet out of our washing machine.
– Pulled him by his feet out from under our bed.
– Pulled him by his feet off our kitchen island.
– Dragged him by his feet, kicking and screaming, into his room for bedtime.
– Brushed his teeth while making train noises.
– Read him 3 train books after only agreeing to 1 while I prayed/begged he would fall asleep quickly.
– Kissed him goodnight at least 50 times. Snuggled with him for at least 10 minutes pasted the “only 1 minute” mark.
– Filled 1 cup of water and took him potty twice.
– Wiped up the drool pooling on his pillow and made sure he was still breathing after entering his sleep induced coma.
– Completed his preschool acceptance forms for next fall. Realized I won’t always be the one wiping his nose and making his lunch.
– Decided I’ll be a little more enthusiastic about the train noises down the stairs tomorrow morning.