Don’t cry. Do. Not. Cry.
I’ve told myself those words probably 100 times over the last few days. It’s our last week before my precious baby girl starts kindergarten.
My thoughts over the past week have ranged from “thank God school is starting, maybe the kids won’t fight as much” to “no God, please don’t make me send her to school!”.
I’m a complete mess. I don’t know what to do without her.
Yes, she’s been in preschool part time for the last 2 years but that was optional. I didn’t HAVE to send her, I wanted to. She loved it and I got to run errands with only 1 whining child a few days a week. I could pull her out whenever I wanted for appointments, vacation or just because.
Kindergarten seems more concrete. This is like…well…it’s the REAL deal. I might as well be sending her to college. Kindergarten will lay the foundation for her to function without me. They’ll teach life skills like reading and writing but also, in a nutshell, how to live without your parents. She’s thisclose to being able to tie her own shoes, next week she’ll be able to drive.
I hate kindergarten.
I’m having a hard time balancing my desire to see her succeed in life with my desire to want her home forever. I want her to explore, make friends, learn and have fun but I don’t want her to forget about poor old mom at home playing trains with Jack and wondering what she’s doing. And missing her because I know she’s better at playing trains than I am.
I hope her teacher adores her and that Layla loves her back. And I pray like I’ve never prayed before that she has kind classmates. The world can be so cruel, please just let kindergarten be fun!
So next week I’ll put my baby on a school bus and ship her off into the great big world.
I will try my best to be on time, keep it together complete with a smile on my face and wait patiently while she learns to concur the world.
And then I’ll cry like a baby for 3 hours until she comes home.