Moms, WHY does every major disaster happen at TARGET? I swear as soon as we round the mall and my kids see that classic logo their eyes glaze over and they turn into complete monsters. It’s the bulls eye of madness. It hypnotizes any child starting into it and tells them “be bad…your parents will LOOOOOOVE that”. My daughter gets crazy eyes and literally foams at the mouth when I tell her we are going to Target…
Ok so that’s a picture of her after she brushed her teeth using a spin brush for the first time…same thing though.
We have had a bunch of snow and extremely cold temps up here on the North Pole (aka- Michigan). After being hunkered down in our house for 4 straight days, I HAD to get out. I decided I would take the kids to Target and hit up the dollar spot. Why do I do this to myself? I should have known better.
If only the security cameras in the parking lot could talk. It would be like our own collection of Funniest Home Videos.
After spending approximately 30 minutes getting my kids winterized at home, we finally arrive at the mall. Everyone was in a great mood and I thought maybe, just MAYBE this trip would be a success. I get the kids out of the car and we make the long walk into our mall Target.
We get 20 feet from the freaking car and my daughter falls. She was holding onto the stroller (that’s the rule), wasn’t paying attention and tripped over a crack in the parking lot. That was my story.
Her story was VERY different. As soon as she fell I stopped, leaned over to help her up and see if she was OK. When I looked down I knew I was in trouble. As she slowly rose from the ground she let out this shrill scream and said “MOMMY!!!! YOU PUSHED ME!!!!!!”.
Everyone in the parking lot turned and looked. What do I do? I start busting up laughing. I couldn’t help it. How ridiculous is my life? I knew this was going to happen and I should have just kept my kids at home. Instead I am standing at a cross roads, yet again, in the Target parking lot.
I look at her legs and there is nothing but a little scuff mark on her shoe. She’s TOTALLY fine but bawling uncontrollably and saying over and over “you PUSHED me!”. I don’t know if I should just pack my kids back up and leave or go into the store and face whatever wrath I’m about to uncover when we get inside. I decide to go into the store because I may get a visit from child protective services if I try to shove my kids back in the car and leave, tires squealing. After all, everyone in the parking lot thinks I just pushed my 4 year old.
So we get inside and we sit down in the little cafe area. I bribe her with candy, popcorn, apple juice…even offer to buy her a new pair of sunglasses if we can just get ON with it and go shopping. Nothing is working and I’m beginning to think she might actually be hurt.
For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to lift up her pant leg and just double check. After she stopped the hysterical crying I asked her which leg hurt and she pointed to her right knee. I carefully peeled up her pant leg to discover a tiny scratch that was a little bit red but not bleeding. That was all it took for her to go back into a fit of rage and screaming “YOU GAVE ME A BOO BOO”.
Are you serious?! I should mention that the entire time this is going on my poor 13 month old is just sitting in his stroller wondering what the heck is going on. I ended up offering my daughter all of his snacks and that did the trick. We could finally cruise the isles of Target and put this incident behind us.
Every time she ran out of the handful of snacks I would give her she’d stop, hold her knee and moan “ooowwwww Mommy, it really hurts”. When I’d replenish her snack supply her knee would magically heal. Funny how that happens.
We got our shopping done at Target and even had time to look at window treatments. That was her favorite part of our trip and she kept picking out curtains that she thought would look nice in our living room. Her knee was no obstacle for this future HGTV star.
We go to check out and she helps me unload our selection of dollar spot items and diapers. I see her try to sneak something on the belt. A package of WINDOW TREATMENTS. Out of all the isles we went down my kid tries to boost a 1 panel pack of 84 inch blackout shades. What is wrong with her? I was horrified that she tried to sneak that under my nose but what do I do? I start laughing. Only my kid.
So as she limps out into the parking lot and points out the spot where I “pushed” her I scold her for trying to sneak something on to the belt. It becomes too much and she now has to be carried to the car.
I am now going to just fork over the $8/hr for a sitter when I feel the urge to go to Target.
If you’d like to read about my son’s Target Tragedy click HERE. It’s funny…to everyone but me.