I feel like I can’t complain about going to the grocery store because I’m a stay at home Mom. I feel like part of my “job” is to get groceries and if that means going during the week, with the kids…then I should just suck it up. Not everyone gets the opportunity to go to the store during the weekday and has to spend weekend time doing this…I get it, I’m lucky to be able to at least have the option.
My son was born last November (1 year ago this coming Wednesday…how time flies!) and I honestly have been grocery shopping with both my kids during the week maybe twice. We had a SUPER busy weekend last weekend and just couldn’t get to the groceries so on Monday, I loaded the kids in the car and made the trip to our local Meijer. I had 15 things on my list. Only 15 things…I could do this.
We get to the store fine, nothing more than the normal whining I get. My daughter was actually very excited to help which makes it go so much faster, bless her little heart. I thought things were going well and was ready to tackle the list! First things first- the milk. Why does the milk have to be in the farthest corner of every store in America?!
As soon as we are back there my daughter tells me she has to go potty. Never. Fails. I remember why I hate going to the store. I quickly throw in the eggs, butter (I kid you not we needed tub butter, stick butter and spray butter…the cashier thought I was Paula Dean) and cheese that I needed and we run to the opposite side of the store to go to the restroom.
Pee. Pee is everywhere. The bathrooms are disgusting. I normally carry travel Clorox wipes in my bag but don’t have them so I make a make shift toilet seat cover out of TP with one hand (I’m holding my son) and pray my daughter can get on without touching anything. My son kicks the first cover off, I do it again. My daughter knocks the second cover off. I’m sweating. I do it again. Third time is a charm.
We start the long walk back to the grocery section. We make it 3 isles in and my son starts whining. He wants me to hold him…all 22 lbs of his squirmy self. I refuse and give him a Mum Mum which he promptly throws on the floor. I debate picking it up for a split second and then accidentally run it over with my cart as I backed up to get Cheerios. My last Mum Mum. My last hope.
We have to make 3 stops when we are at Meijer. We have to see the fish, the lobsters and get a cookie at the bakery (thank God for free cookies at Meijer…they are doing something right!). I skipped the fish but that means we absolutely HAD to see the lobsters. We do a drive by viewing but there are no lobsters in the tank. Dear Meijer- It’s Monday and people need lobsters. So I explained what they do with the lobsters like any reasonable Mother would- I told my daughter they were giving them a bath in the back. She starts to melt down.
I am now running, absolutely sprinting to get out of the store. I pretend I’m on Supermarket Sweep and just stick my arm out scooping things off the shovels directly in the cart. We are almost done but I have to go to the produce section. Which takes foooooreeeeever.
After carefully placing each pepper, tomato and onion in it’s correct bag (because God forbid you combine) it is time to get a cookie and get the heck out of there. We swing by the bakery to let my daughter ask an associate in her teeny tiny voice for a cookie. It was taking her forever to spit out a “please can I have a cookie” so I just did it for her. I don’t remember if we said “thank you” I just needed OUT. OF. THERE.
I’m holding my son the ENTIRE time we check out. I juggle loading the belt with all our groceries while he’s pulling every last Chapstick off the display behind me. I am behind someone with only 5 items and think we are getting out of there quickly. But then I remember I have the unique ability to pick the absolute SLOWEST FREAKING LANE. The lady has 5 items, and 50 coupons. She also writes a check. She must be 70 years old and I want to shove her out of the way and scream “JUST LET ME PAY FOR IT”!! Finally it is our turn. My daughter starts whining because she wants to ride the mechanical horse at the front of the store. I mutter an excuse about the horse needing a break and tell her we will do it next time. There will be no next time.
And we are off the to parking lot. Oh joy…it’s freezing and it is raining as we make our way to the car. I wrestle my son into his car seat and my daughter whines her way into hers when I stop. I just stop.
I forgot the milk. I forgot chicken nuggets and chocolate syrup. I forgot ground beef to make tacos for that night…basically everything that I NEEDED, I FREAKING FORGOT. You have GOT. TO. BE. KIDDING. ME! We were there for over an hour and I forgot half my list.
I had to go back to the grocery store tonight (writing this on Tuesday). I went by myself and got the other things on my list…in and out in probably 10 minutes. There was no one there to slowly follow in and out of aisles. No line in the checkout and I walked out beaming because I got an amazing parking spot.
I got home and realized I forgot paper towels but now I have no one to blame but myself. We will be using a roll of toilet paper in lieu of our typical Bounty. Let’s hope no one spills milk from that precious gallon I picked up fresh from the store!