If you randomly ask 5 moms how everything is going after having a baby, they will say, “GREAT!”
But, is this the truth??
Is everything really great?
Having a new baby in the house can take a toll on a marriage. It isn’t something many people talk about. We don’t want to air our dirty laundry.
My husband and I had a difficult time communicating for the first 6 months after both of our kids. It was tough. I was an emotional wreck and didn’t even realize it. We were both sleep deprived, my hormones were wacky, we were trying to find our new balance.
Finding a balance with a new baby in the house is not easy. When it was just you and your husband you only had yourself and each other to take care of. Now that there is a baby in the house you have to add a little one who needs your constant care. Suddenly yourself and your spouse end up on the back burner. While you don’t feel like there is any other option for your current “season of life”, the lack of balance for yourself and your relationship can take a toll.
I have talked to several new mothers whose husbands said they felt neglected by their wives. They wife’s response, “Are you freaking kidding me?!? I have a baby attached to my hip or boob all day, spit up down my shirt that I didn’t know about, milk stains on my bras, my hair is a mess, I haven’t showered in 2 days, and I haven’t brushed my teeth yet today. And YOU need attention!??”
OR…the stay at home mommy who seems to have herself and the house together most days: The husband comes home and isn’t sure where he fits in, how to help without getting in the way of the ‘routine’ that he has not been a part of all day, and then the mommy gets upset because daddy isn’t helping out like she feels he should.
It is really all a lack of communication. But who has time to communicate when a baby is the house? Until you have fallen into your new routine it is difficult to communicate in-between feedings, diaper changes, and playtime.
Here are some ways to make sure you can stay in touch with your marriage:
-Set one night a week to discuss what your week has in store. Exchange schedules, talk about what work has in store, how you can support each other throughout the week. We do this every Sunday night. When we skip it, we pay for it!!
-Set one weekend night to have ‘date night’. You don’t have to get a sitter, you can just hang out after the kids are in bed. Talk about it earlier in the week so you can look forward to it. Movie night, order in pizza, game night, or a drink on the patio. Turn computers and phones off so you are focused on each other.
-Set one night a month to get out of the house as couple. Get a sitter and go on a date! (we used to be totally guilty of NOT doing this!)
-Sex. Just do it. Once you do, you aren’t sorry you did.
-Don’t forget to do something nice for each other. Maybe flowers, a card, or pick up something special at the grocery store that will put a smile on your spouses face.
And if you are in a rough patch…try your best to talk it out! If you didn’t have rough patches then you wouldn’t appreciate the easy times.
Did having a baby cause your relationship to go through a hardship?