1. NOTHING fits!!!! Maternity clothes could not get out of your closet fast enough. Now, maternity pants are too big and your pre-pregnancy pants will hardly make it past your calves, let along your thighs or ass. Your maternity tops look ridiculous and your pre-pregnancy tops have apparently turned into belly shirts (welcome back 1996).
2. You need to get rid of the “I’m Not Fat, I’m Pregnant Shirt” and trade it in for “I’m Not Pregnant, I Just Had a Baby” shirt.
3. Your orgasmic dreams are long gone. In fact, your sex life belongs in a history book. History will not be rewritten for another 6 months or so.
4. No one really cares about you and cute little pregnancy belly any longer. You are now basically invisible. All attention is completely on baby….plan on doing something VERY impressive if you want eyes on you ever again.
5. Sleep. Yes, I know sleep was interrupted while pregnant by frequent trips to the potty…BUT, that was a 1-2 minute task. Getting up multiple times a night to feed baby is WAY more tiring.
6. Knowing baby was safe on the inside. Now you have to worry about this GREAT BIG WORLD you brought your baby into. Don’t you wish you could create a bubble and keep him in there forever?
7. Eating for two…or at least having an excuse for your binges! (I need seconds….baby wants it. Baby wants a Big Mac, super sized!) No more my friend, this behavior is now inexcusable.
8. Your belly. YES, it got big and uncomfortable at the end. But, it was hard and pregnant. Now, it is a mushy gushy mess. TIGHTEN BACK UP PLEASE!
9. “I need to run to Target really fast!” Yep, that is not happening. Your Target trip is the ONE THING you get to do today! And for the twenty minutes you need to be INSIDE the store, it took you ONE hour to prepare for.
10. Sleep. Yes, I know I already mentioned it. But it is worthy of mentioning again.