We had to wait 4 days (gee, Merry Christmas to us!) before the miscarriage was confirmed. I was 7 hours away from my OB-GYN back in MI and hadn’t had any baseline blood work done. The entire time the ER doctor was saying that “50% of women have bleeding like this and still end up having a perfectly normal pregnancy”. I can’t explain it but I just knew that I wasn’t pregnant anymore. It is amazing how you can go to sleep one night, waking up every 10 minutes to pee and with a headache then the next morning not feel pregnant anymore.
Now it is time for a self confession- As some of you know, I tend to be very vocal about things that happen in my life. I mean, I have 3 blogs and a FaceBook account that is never lacking in updates so when I sneeze…people know about it. But there are VERY few people that know that I’ve lost a pregnancy. It just isn’t something I felt like talking about, I went through every emotion in the book from “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be” to “Something is wrong with me, I think I have cancer” to “My life is over and I’ll NEVER. STOP. CRYING.”.
After the holidays, we got back into our daily routine. I started opening up a bit to some friends we have met here in Michigan. The more women I have talked to about losing this pregnancy, the more women I find that have lost a pregnancy themselves. Could it be? Am I not the only one in the world that has gone through this?! I can’t tell you how much it meant to Bryan and I to have the support of friends that had been through this.
I found the greatest comfort in knowing that there was a reason this happened to me. I had been horribly sick with the flu a few days before I got a positive pregnancy test and then I got a horrible sinus infection. At first, I blamed myself for getting sick and thought that was the reason I miscarried. Looking back that is so silly…This miscarriage wasn’t a result of something I did wrong, there was a physical reason why those tiny cells didn’t continue to grow and my body terminated the pregnancy. I found this article from BabyCenter to be very informative when it came to realizing the causes of a miscarriage (although in my case, we’ll probably never know exactly what happened).
Another great resource I stumbled upon is PregnancyLoss.info. This site answered so many questions for me from physical to mental healing. They also have a great section on medical terminology. This was a tremendous help since I didn’t have access to my prenatal doctor while home for the holiday and had to deal with an ER doctor that didn’t really have time to answer my hundreds of questions.
I was fortunate enough to not have to have any follow up procedures other than blood work. For some women, a D&C is needed. I found an article on The American Pregnancy Association’s website while doing research right after my miscarriage. It helped me relax about the possibility of needing the follow up procedure and helped me realize that it is a fairly common/routine part of a miscarriage.
Now that I’ve just poured my heart out in a blog I never intended to write (but am glad I did!), I’ll pick up a Kleenex and feel sorry for myself one more time…and consider myself mentally “recovered” from this. Ha! This isn’t something that goes away overnight but it does get better and better everyday. Chin up, chocolate out, take a bite and onward we go!